All he needed
by Sano
Summary: Sometimes a certain monk needs a break to wallow in happy memories, but at times this is not recomended wherein Hakkai is concerned. 383 yaoi, written for the SanzoxHakkaiML challenge.


Title: All he needed

Author: Sano

Series: Saiyuki

Warnings: Yaoi and a bit of OOC-ness

Rating: PG – 13

Disclaimers: Saiyuki is the property of the wonderful Kazuya Minekura. I love you for making these wonderful characters!!! Bows in front of Minekura-sama I'm not making any money so no suing! Though if Minekura-sama will be so kind, maybe she give me Hakkai as a gift!

Couples: SanzoxHakkai [38]

Note: Yare, yare desu ne…it's been so long since I've written fics!! What a wonderful feeling!! Though I've been enjoying Saiyuki: Reload and Prince of Tennis too much, I'll try and write more…that is if yaoi scenes pop up in these wonderful anime! Glares at Sanzo, Hakkai, Fuji & Tezuka so get it on with the yaoi!

All he needed

****

It was questionable that Genjo Sanzo wasn't up in his room and wallowing in self-inflicted angst. As soon as he had finished eating, he hauled out of the restaurant and went to look for a place where he could smoke in private. Those idiots could take care of themselves; he even left his gold credit card with Hakkai so that he can pay for the expenses, maybe even do a bit of grocery shopping.

He took off the black boots ad socks he was wearing and dipped his tired feet into the cool lake before him. He had seen this lake while they traveled to the town they were currently residing in; it was only a ten-minute walk so he claimed the place as his 'smoking spot'.

He didn't need to worry about the place being filled with demons; he had his Smith & Wesson with him. Just one click from the silver plated gun and peace would settle again.

He was so irritated that he wanted to destroy something. But the problem was that he didn't feel obliged to punch a tree and scar his hands. Target shooting would be good but he didn't have the patience on buying more bullets.

Ch'!

Someone should be here to take some of his lashing, and that someone was out there shopping with his credit card and probably attending to every whim that the baka saru asked of.

Sanzo knew that he shouldn't have taken this mission. But the Three Buddhas were stubborn jackasses. Either he took care of it or suffer a life full of misfortune.

All this because of a green-eyed brunette who didn't even know how damaging he was to his sanity, just being faced with that smile was enough to make him want to run for cover.

At times when he woke up early in the morning, he would witness the brunette youkai sleeping, beautiful emerald orbs closed and a satisfied smile on his lips. He didn't know what compelled him to stay, to just continue watching, his amethyst eyes watching with wonder at the innocence that showed in the pale face.

Genjo Sanzo was strong, mentally and physically. But he was weak emotionally. Feelings never settled well with him, all he knew that they tied down a person, making him vulnerable. He didn't want that, he never wanted that.

But when Hakkai, still named as Gono, gave him that smile…

Losing a loved one in the past was enough; he didn't want to go through that painful ordeal again. Baka, he scolded himself, he never learned anything.

He could still remember how everything had started. It was when he was sent to hunt down the criminal that had killed the 100-eye devil. When Cho Gono had finally given up, they traveled to the temple of the Three Buddhas. Only he and Gono traveled because Goku wasn't allowed to come. They had stayed in an inn when night fell.

He then saw it, Cho Gono's tears.

Sanzo had been sleeping then in their shared room. The sound of sniffling woke him up and he saw Gono sitting on the windowsill, a knee drawn up and the other dangling inches above the floor. He just watched silently as tiny rivers traveled down the brunette's pale cheeks.

"Gomenasai, Kanan…I wasn't able to save you…" Gono whispered brokenly, his hands holding the broken watch tenderly. "I'm a criminal…these hands are covered with blood…" He then continued crying, broken sobs shaking his slim form.

Sanzo's body felt as if it was moving on its own and he stood up from the bed. "Blood can be washed off. No matter how much." He said. Gono snapped his head up to look at him, his emerald eyes shining with tears.

He wanted to reach out…

"G-Gomen, I didn't mean to wake you up." He wiped away the tears with the back of his hand. Then he pulled his other leg up and wrapped his arms around his knees, burying his face in his arms so that Sanzo couldn't see his tear-stained face.

The blonde monk smirked despite himself. "Baka." He walked over to the brunette and placed a hand on his shoulder. The younger man's body was wire-tense and trembling. "No one will be mad if you cry." He told the brunette.

Gono was silent for a moment, and then leaned his head on the blonde's stomach, causing the wind to be knocked out of the monk's stomach. Sanzo could feel the warm moisture seeping into his shirt. But he didn't care; all that mattered was the wounded man in front of him. He knelt down beside the windowsill and slipped his arms around the brunette's shoulders and pulled him closer, Gono obliged and wrapped his arms around him too.

Sanzo rubbed his back gently, waiting until the man's sobs quieted down. With very little effort and a bit of surprise, he picked up Gono and carried him over to his own bed, the brunette perhaps gasping in surprise at the fair-haired man's boldness.

Tucking the blankets up to the youkai's chin, he brushed back a few brown strands, smiling slightly when they bounced back into place. As he walked towards his own bed, Gono whispered softly, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Sanzo replied hesitantly, reclining on the soft mattress. As soon as he heard the soft snoring from the other occupant, he fell asleep, his mind at peace with the world. Then the next morning, they journeyed again…then events lead to Gono's death and Hakkai's awakening.

Since then…Sanzo had been thinking.

He had always wonder why he had offered Gono comfort then, he never really liked to see anyone crying, and he wasn't about to ignore one now. When Komyo Sanzo was killed right in front of him, he had felt guilt and anger. Most of all, he had felt incredible grief. It was as if the world came crashing down as he held his master in his arms, the pool of Komyo Sanzo's blood surrounding them. Nobody came to help him or to give him strength while he grieved, nobody was there to embrace him or whisper soothing words in his ear.

Then there was Gono, crying like a lost little boy, so he offered the small piece of consolation that he could. Just so that he wouldn't see someone else going through grief alone. A wave of relief washed over him then that he and the converted youkai he had offered comfort to had both lost someone dear to them, and that single bond tied them together.

As the fair-haired man remembered the weeping man in his arms, he felt a sudden possessiveness. He wanted to protect the unstable brunette from any harm, to keep him away from anything that might hurt him. Then a shocking thought occurred to him.

Genjo Sanzo knew that he was falling.

But he shouldn't be reminiscing such things, Sanzo thought, his mind breaking away from the sudden rush of memories. He took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one. He puffed out the small bit of pollution, his pale feet swirling in the cool water. Past was past, Hakkai was too hung up on Kanan to be involved in another relationship anyway.

"I knew I'd find you here." An all too familiar voice spoke behind him. He didn't even have to turn around to identify the person, just hearing that melodious voice sent a cold tingle down his spine.

K'so…he should've known that Hakkai would find him…

He remained silent as the youkai strode over and sat beside him on the riverbank. Hakkai took off his shoes and dipped his pale feet into the water, swirling them around just as Sanzo did a few moments back.

Unconsciously, the monk's eyes were glued on the lake's surface.

When had he considered feet attractive? Sanzo thought as he stared down at Hakkai's limbs into the water. The monk closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying to keep his breathing to some semblance of normalcy. But inside, a hurricane of emotions battling inside of him, he cursed himself for such weakness and he blamed the person beside him.

Dammit!!! Damn Hakkai and his beautiful eyes!!! Damn             Hakkai and his charming personality!!!

Sanzo broke off from his cursing thoughts when the soft voice floated over to him. He turned to look at Hakkai and saw that the brunette had taken off his sash and was letting it play in the wind, the white cloth floating freely.

"Such a wonderful night it is…no wonder you couldn't resist going out for some fresh air, ne Sanzo?" Hakkai turned to look at him then, green eyes meeting amethyst ones. Sanzo turned away from him; he never wanted to meet Hakkai's eyes…

Why is it?

Was it because he was irritated at Hakkai?

Why is he afraid?

Just one look at Hakkai's face gave him the answer he wanted.

He was scared because if Hakkai knew of his feelings…he might be angry or disgusted…and Hakkai disapproving of him was the least that the monk wanted to happen.

Sanzo quickly took out another cigarette and lit it with slightly shaking hands. He was definitely losing control now. And Hakkai's presence beside him was making matters worse. Can't he just throw away his cigarette and push the youkai down on the grass? A very tempting thought. He was just about to gather all of his wits to advance on the brunette youkai when Hakkai suddenly spoke.

"Can I have a smoke?" If Sanzo weren't already sitting, he would have fallen over in shock. Hakkai…smoking? The statement totally blew his mind and he regarded Hakkai with a slightly perturbed expression.

"I'm serious, Sanzo."

Hakkai was dead serious. Brandishing the pack from his pocket, he handed it to Hakkai and proceeded to finish his own cancer stick. The sound of the lighter clicking a flame caught his attention, and he drew his eyes back to the green-eyed man.

Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…

He was attracted to feet. And now, he was damn envious of the cigarette that was hanging from Hakkai's lips. He swallowed nervously and ran a hand through his hair in an effort to be calm. Next he'd hyperventilating like some kind of sick pervert.

Luck wasn't on his side today, he was positive of that fact.

"I didn't know you smoked." Sanzo said, filling in the silence. Normally they would've been content with the solitude, but with his attraction to the brunette, every moment alone with Hakkai would be torture.

Well, it wouldn't be torture if he admitted his feelings, Sanzo thought irritatedly. Never in his life had he wanted to possess something this much. It was as if he couldn't get enough of Hakkai, his smile, his laugh…everything about him.

Hakkai smiled at him and answered, "I smoked before. I just stopped three years ago to start anew." He never mentioned why, but Sanzo understood. When Cho Gono had turned into Cho Hakkai, he tried to change his life, like changing his habits. Though Hakkai would never admit it, Cho Gono was still reflected in his life. No matter where he went, Gono would always be Hakkai and vice versa, they were one in the same.

Then, silence.

Both men didn't know how long they've been sitting there; they only knew that they were both on their last cigarette when the clouds suddenly covered the moonlight, covering the clearing in darkness.

Hakkai looked up at the sky at the dark clouds, squinting his emerald eyes. "I think it's going to rain." He commented, and then stuck the cigarette back into his mouth. He needn't say more, rain meant a sleepless night, and the nights were sleepless because they were spent reminiscing over their miserable pasts.

The blonde monk followed his gaze, and then nodded slightly. "Ah." He replied. Then as if on cue, the first few raindrops fell down. After a moment, the blanket of moisture rained down, therefore extinguishing their cigarettes and soaking their clothes.

Any normal person could've made a run for shelter, but an unknown purpose prevented them from leaving the clearing. Hakkai and Sanzo let the rain seep into their chilled bones, neither one caring that they should be in their respective rooms and wallowing in happy memories stored in the recesses of their minds.

Hakkai stood up abruptly and picked up his sash and footwear. He brushed off the dirt that had stuck to his pants but to no avail, the dirt had turned into mud. Yare, yare desu ne…he'd just wash it later. "Well, I'm going. Thanks." The rain pounded painfully in his ears and he managed a small grimace.

Sanzo watched Hakkai's back, his mind shouting at him to follow the brunette, Ch' damn conscience. He uttered a low growl, "Hakkai." The youkai turned around.

"Yes, Sanzo?"

With another growl, he reached out, grabbed Hakkai's right wrist and yanked him towards himself. Hakkai lost his balance and fell onto him, but the rock was too slippery and Sanzo ended up sliding down the rock. They fell down on the mudpack caused by the rain, the watery dirt making squishy noises as they descended.

Hakkai wiped the mud away from his face; the rain seemed to help a little, the water slid the mud away. But if it hadn't rained they wouldn't be in such a messy situation, he thought in mild annoyance. He stared up at Sanzo lying on top of him. The monk looked as confused and surprised as Goku when faced with a difficult problem, his eyebrows scrunched together and his lips twisted into a semi-frown.

The image was so humorous that Hakkai did something that Sanzo hadn't seen before. He laughed, really laughed. Not those chuckles that slipped from his mouth when Gojyo and Goku fought, with Sanzo whacking them with a Harisen. It wasn't even the kind of laugh that Hakkai used when insulting him. It sounded…free. It was like the youkai hadn't laughed in a long time, the musical laughter lifting his mood.

Sanzo looked down at Hakkai, the water streaming down his cheeks and dripping off the slightly pointed chin. Without a second thought, Sanzo grabbed his chin and tentatively kissed him, his lips brushing against the brunette's lightly.

Hakkai was unresponsive at first, his mind unable to comprehend the monk's action. He couldn't feel anything but the gentle pressure of Sanzo's sweet lips against his own. But then he felt it, the stream of emotions coming from the body on top of him, the sadness…loneliness…emotions that they both shared from losing someone dear to them. He opened his mouth then, shivering when he felt Sanzo's tongue touch briefly with his own, his fingers tangling in the sun-kissed locks.

Sanzo kissed him furiously, as if he was afraid that Hakkai was just an apparition that would disappear any moment. A hand rose to caress flawless cheeks, earning the monk a strangled moan from the man under him.

He couldn't think coherently, the feel of the brunette's soft lips were maddening, almost pushing him to the brink of his sanity. He couldn't get enough, his heart thumped loudly, strangely in rhythm with Hakkai's. It was a heady realization.

With a gasp, he broke away from Hakkai's lips, though he was unwillingly to do so. Either that or they both get their lungs burst from lack of air. He felt incredibly warm despite the cold water hitting their bodies. He softly ran his thumb over Hakkai's eyebrows, the brunette's emerald orbs looking up at him with unconditional trust.

And something else that he hadn't seen before…tender caring.

It wasn't the kind of care that Goku's golden eyes gave him; those were of a child's gratitude when he took the saru from the depths of loneliness. It was different from what Komyo Sanzo gave him…

This person…this incredibly wonderful person…loved him. Love was clearly visible in those mesmerizing emerald eyes.

With a soft exhalation of breath, Sanzo leaned his forehead against Hakkai's, amethyst eyes looking deeply into emerald ones. They were breathing the same breath, it felt so wonderful…so right.

"Thank you…" He whispered softly, so quietly that Hakkai barely heard it, but he did. The brunette felt as if he were intoxicated at those words, his face flushing ever so slightly.

"Open your eyes." He commanded lightly, Sanzo did so, his amethyst eyes looking uncertain in anticipation of his reaction. His face lit up with a genuine smile, arms lifting and settled around the monk's shoulders.

"You're welcome." Sanzo released the breath he didn't know he'd been holding and Hakkai laughed. He continued laughing just as he did before; he looked so beautiful to Sanzo then, so unbelievably stunning. And he did the only thing that popped into his head.

He bopped his nose against Hakkai's, "Shut up." He muttered before he captured the brunette's lips again. This time with more courage, kissing him fully and thoroughly. Hakkai responded to him, opening his mouth, giving Sanzo full access.

The rain continued to fall, they both felt cold and clammy and they'd probably have colds tomorrow. But for now Sanzo didn't care. With this brunette in his arms he was satisfied.

Hakkai was all he needed.

**Owari**


End file.
